I've had to take many deep breaths before writing this. This is not a topic I usually like to dwell on, but I can’t stop thinking about Breonna Taylor, Ahmad Arbery, George Floyd, Eric Garner, Freddie Gray and sadly the list could go on but i’ll stop there. Racism is alive and well here. It’s inside of you and it’s inside of me too. We don’t want to admit it to ourselves, but there is no one who is untouched by racism.
When the media reports on an unjust crime against a black person, we get angry and we get loud. These loud moments are just moments though. Unfortunately, life goes on and we continue on the way we were. We need to pay closer attention to the quiet everyday moments that linger. That’s where racism lives. Between the words we think are ancient. Between lingering stares at the cashier. Between jokes made among coworkers.
I was asked a few years ago, if I actually believed I wasn’t free. It was a loaded question meant to be condescending, but it has stuck with me and I reflect on it every time something comes up in the media. It was condescending because of course I am free. I legally have the right to do anything anyone else can. I can go to any restaurant, drink from any water fountain, apply to any job and travel to any part of town I want to. I guess for some people, that means I am free. People want to believe that freedom is out in the open for everyone to see, while bondage remains haunting our everyday lives.
Being biracial, the topic of racism has always been a little confusing for me. The separation that is so apparent in our country, lives in my blood. There are two sides of me that I feel have never been able to fully come together. People have always tried to separate the two and label me as one or the other. I have a distinct memory of being in class when I was in high school and my white friend telling me I didn’t “act black.” I know I’m not the only person who has heard this before. It’s supposed to be a compliment and I took it as a compliment because my brain has been wired to know it was meant as one and to me, it meant acceptance. On the other hand, I’ve been told before that i’m “basically black” because that’s how my skin appears, which made me feel like I had something to prove and that I have to be careful. I’ve even been told that my very existence is wrong because “races shouldn’t mix.” People made feel like two whole halves of myself, couldn't coexist. The way that people have always tried to divide me is only a small example of how this country has been operating. There is always a war going on within myself because there is a narrative between words telling me that one side of me is more valuable than the other.
The people that said these things learned their words and how to use them from someone else. They didn’t think they were doing any harm, it was normal. They hear stuff like that in the quiet everyday moments that linger. Misguided phrases, whispered judgements, and careless jokes pass along racism from one generation to the next and make it casual. So casual that now people believe it doesn’t even exist. We have signed papers documenting equality for all but that does not stop the thought patterns that occur subconsciously.
This shouldn’t have to be said and processing and writing this has been challenging. Before we are able to rid the world of devaluing human life based on racial and cultural differences, we have to acknowledge every part of it in ourselves. I don’t care if you’re white and you have black friends. If you repost a meme promoting equality, that’s great but it’s not enough.
Look inside yourself and see if you find anything, no matter what race you are. Recall old conversations, jokes, feelings, etc. We’ve all been wired through generations and it’s up to us to cut it off now. If we are all created in the image of God, how can we hate one another for the appearance we were blessed with? Educate yourself, have hard conversations, pay attention to your surroundings and call people out. It’s not okay to be silent anymore, it never was okay. We have to speak up and be loud in the quiet everyday moments that have lingered for far too long.
Comments