If you haven’t noticed yet, I have a lot of feelings. You could say that I am an emotional extremist. When I feel, I do it big. When I get mad, it explodes out of me. There are days I could actually cry over spilt milk (more like coffee but you get the point). I’m the type of somebody you might label as “too much.” I understand, I am too much for myself sometimes. The irony of being too much is that you always feel like you’re somehow not enough.
There’s a certain weight of emotional baggage that others just don’t want to carry, i’ve tried to keep my bags light. I used to write and erase, write and erase until I could find a way to put a positive spin on things. Happiness is clean and easy to digest, nobody truly wants to deal with brokenness. A chin up mentality means strength and stability. I’m not completely mad at the pressure to be positive, after all, it birthed a great appreciation for dry humor in me. But life is way too complicated for that, right? We all know it, so why do we get on social media with the “best version” of ourselves?
We’ve all had our experiences that just added another brick to the wall. When you’re told that walls are strong, of course that’s the defense you build. Most likely the person who told you that didn’t know what to do with your feelings, because nobody taught them. They only learned how to build.
The walls we build cause us to lose connection to ourselves and to each other because feeling is what makes us truly human. When I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, I have been overwhelmed with the comfort of how many have felt what i’m feeling. We are all just natural disasters with moments of good weather, send out your S.O.S. before you drown.This is the redemption in vulnerability, honest connection.
So for the people who are afraid to be too much, here’s my wish for you. I wish that you would take up space. By taking up space, you’re creating a space for others to join you there. I wish that you would learn to love your sensitivity and use it as your strength. Cry out to your loved ones and let them be a part of your healing. Know that the empathy you feel when you watch the news is natural and important. Stay soft in a world that wants you to be a wall.
Let’s stop telling people to “stay strong” and implying that means to be calm, cool, and collected. Being sensitive means being conscious, keen, perceptive, receptive, and understanding. Your ability to feel is your strength, and to acknowledge those feelings is your freedom. Man or woman, you were made for this. You were made to make something of your sensitivity, your passions are not a coincidence. Use your worries, excitement, anger, and sadness to change the things you care about.
What makes you feel like you are too much is exactly what makes you just enough. Sit with yourself when the tide rolls in, carrying whatever overwhelming emotion you’ve been trying to avoid. Get to know it, learn it’s story and what brought it to you. Then get honest with your people, pour yourself out and let them be there to help you clean up. On the other side of every emotion, there is a strength you are meant to know.
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